Can you believe it? At the age of 50 I`m single again? T (my partner of over 10 years and I have split up). It seems hard to believe that this could happen, but sometimes, differences are just to difficult to reconcile - especially where children are concerned. But they are and always will be my priority.
Its been a miserable summer - with both my personal life and the weather, but lets hope things are about to change. I cant always get internet access at the moment cos I havent got it where I`m staying. I`m not at home anymore. My lovely home! It makes me cry to think I may not be living here any more. My trees that I`ve planted, my bedroom, the kids room with their double beds and rows of dolls and toys. It breaks my heart that he is staying here, in the house next door to my mother - in the street I`ve lived most of my life - while me and the kids are cramped up together, trying our best to manage. Any decent man wouldn`t let their kids be put out of their home. But then again, he hasn`t even spoken to or contacted them, although we`re only next door. Unbelievable I know! They say that what doesn`t kill you makes you stronger, but I cant see it at the moment. I feel like I`ve been kicked in the stomach a hundred times. I feel frightened and fragile. I feel lonely and afraid for the future.
And I feel betrayed!
Tonight, I`ll sit with my mother and my children and have a few glasses of wine - maybe a few snacks. I`ll watch the final of Big Brother on the television while I`m listening to this ceaseless, driving rain pelting down on the patio windows. And I`m hoping that things get better soon, because I`m a believer in Karma. I know that I have never behaved in a way to deliberately bring pain or trauma to anyone else, so there must be some happiness around the corner for me.
